Of course I was happy to see a well-written retort to Sandberg's "Lean In" appear in The Washington Post. Advising women to "Recline," the author upholds the value of things I also find valuable: reading a novel, having a real conversation, making intentional choices to spend more time on fewer things.  The sense that everything is always frantic, the list of things to do that only ever seems to get longer (and that, I find, runs like a memory-sucking app in the back of my mind, draining my battery but accomplishing nothing) -- these are bad enough. It's worse that women get pressured (lured? suckered?) into taking on the particular, gendered obligation to manage everything on all fronts all the time, to be distracted and worried so others can relax and focus, to skimp on sleep and exercise so others can be well, never to be the one sitting on the couch truly unconcerned with what "the plan is for dinner." 

There have been a spate of new books lately advising women how to turn inward, change their behavior, and remake themselves to be more successful and ‘leap over’ gender barriers in the workplace. If a woman is not paid what she is worth, passed over for promotion, or even harassed, the solution, it seems, is to lean in – because eventually (soon, in fact) everyone will realize that women really should rule the world. The latest is a book by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, The Confidence Code, in which the authors argue that the primary barrier to women’s success is not sexism but rather women’s own lack of confidence. And in one way, they are right. Confidence is gendered. Women are less confident than men (and men tend to be over- confident relative to their abilities). Of course confidence matters. But trying to solve a problem of structural sexism with a good night’s sleep, a self-help book, and a smile is a losing proposition.